Billie Eilish Opens Up About Her Emotional Journey, Mental Health, and Balancing Fame

Billie Eilish is submerged at the bottom of a pool, weighted down by a large black anchor. She is not having a good time. “I was basically waterboarding myself for six hours straight,” the 22-year-old superstar later reveals. “If I’m not suffering somehow, I don’t feel good about what I’m doing.”

Eilish is clad in baggy black pants, a button-down shirt, a striped tie, arm warmers, and various accessories, including a goth-studded bracelet. She has been repeatedly submerging herself for two-minute intervals, holding her breath while being photographed sinking beneath a white wooden door. Her eyes remain open during these 120 seconds, without the assistance of goggles or nose plugs.

This intense shoot is for the cover of her upcoming third album, “Hit Me Hard and Soft,” set to release on May 17. Eilish reveals, “If there’s one thing about me, it is I will put myself through hell and back for the shot. I’ve always been like that, and I will continue to be like that. A lot of my artwork is physically painful, and I love it. Oh, my God, I live for it.”

Less than 48 hours prior to the shoot, Eilish won Song of the Year at the Grammys for “What Was I Made For?,” a track from the Barbie soundtrack. Following this win, she stayed up late, dyed her hair black, bidding farewell to her red roots in preparation for the photo shoot.

Eilish reflects on the whirlwind of the past few months, noting that the success of “What Was I Made For?” exceeded her expectations. She mentions her plans to take a break from the spotlight after the album is released, expressing a desire to step back from the constant attention.

The shoot for the album cover marks a significant moment for Eilish. She describes “Hit Me Hard and Soft” as a return to her true self, embracing darker themes and exploring her emotions. She recalls how the success of her debut album, “When We All Fall Asleep, Where Do We Go?,” felt like the best time of her life, and how she has been reconnecting with that version of herself.

Eilish also reflects on her second album, “Happier Than Ever,” recorded during the lockdown in 2020. While the album received positive reviews, she admits it lacked the brilliance of her debut. She explains that the experience of making “Happier Than Ever” was a coping mechanism during a confusing time.

With “Hit Me Hard and Soft,” Eilish delves back into the darkness that defined her earlier work, combining this introspection with new sounds and styles. The album features a mix of intense emotions, experimentation with new genres, and a raw authenticity that sets it apart from her previous work.

Immersing herself in this creative process has been both challenging and rewarding for Eilish. She describes the album as a personal journey, reflecting her growth as an artist and as a person. With each song, she explores different facets of her identity and experiences, showcasing a depth and vulnerability that resonates with her audience.

As she prepares to share “Hit Me Hard and Soft” with the world, Eilish grapples with the balancing act of maintaining her privacy while promoting her music. She shares her struggles with anxiety and the pressures of being in the spotlight, expressing a desire for more control over her narrative.

Eilish also addresses her sexuality and the challenges of coming out publicly. She acknowledges the importance of self-discovery and the journey towards acceptance, emphasizing the need for space to explore one’s identity without labels or expectations.

Looking ahead, Eilish hopes to redefine her public image, focusing on her passion for environmentalism and sustainable living. She aims to be a role model for positive change and conscious living, using her platform to advocate for issues that are close to her heart.

In conclusion, Eilish emphasizes her desire for normalcy and acceptance, seeking to reclaim her identity and find peace in the midst of fame and scrutiny. With “Hit Me Hard and Soft,” she reclaims her narrative and sets the stage for a new chapter in her career and personal journey.